to my whyte sisters ~

my friend Marieke Schwartz wrote and posted the following meme on her page. i was grateful to have seen it. as i am accustomed to experiencing the trauma she speaks of here. after reading, what follows poured out…

and before i share my experience i want to first say, in efforts to disarm egoic weaponry, that no, i am not speaking about ALL whyte womyn, i can only speak to “whyte womyn in the context of whyte supremacy. whytness is only a psychic construct. and thus, i am never speaking about any inherent defect, no part of me subscribes to that colonized construct of thinking, it’s bullshit. nor am i saying that whyte womxn are inherently not good people. i don’t think in binary, human Beings are Whole Beings, capable of all sorts of Actions and Beliefs simultaneously. we can act Soulfully in someways , unconsciously in others, and all the layered grey in between, but what is the Whole of our story when we look in life’s mirror? when we avoid looking into our Shadows, that speaks volumes. if we can’t even see what is right in front of us, that speaks volumes. Free Will = Accountability. and i am addressing, experientially, the culture of whyte womyn within the context of whyte supremacy, which has plagued the world for centuries. but even saying this is dangerous, because the tendency will be for most whyte womyn to claim this is not about them, when every whyte womxn should delve into their Shadows, with the fierceness of the wolf, to See the Truth of what lives in the dark caverns of their Unconscious Mythology. this is in the name of her own liberation, one that would serve all of humanity. her Sacred claiming of Self. this is not about your denial. not about your fragility, sensitivity or victimhood. this is about, who are you in the Now, and what is your Becoming?

You have power. How do you use it?

this is a pouring out. no editing, this is me calling to my sisters. the mystics, the witches, the druids, the urban spiritualists, mother’s, womyn, femmes. if Social Justice work is not a part of your practices, rituals, and actions, you are avoiding. why? if Shadow Work is not a deep part of the way you live, and not just something you do on Tuesdays, and i don’t care what you call it, what the fuck are you doing?

i feel my Rage rise every time i See a white person post or comment about how “unconscionable” the murder of Ahmaud Arbery is, or some variation of that. when all i can feel is the depravity of a culture that produces womyn that scream “look at me, i’m outraged, i’m an ally, See???” and you won’t ever admit this, that you want progressive cookies, or, that you can’t bear to not be seen in these spaces, you can’t be ostracized you see. that won’t do. gotta be part of the trend. this is not at all invisible to BPOC’s, but we are accustomed to keeping you comfortable in your violent choice of oblivion, our lives historically have depended on that. but, you won’t admit this. not even to yourSelves. i am not saying you feel nothing, but i am saying you should call in your attention to how you experience black bodies that die under the weight of your privilege. white people refuse to face honestly, the depravity that rises from generations of Beliefs which gave rise to a sick and warped culture that normalizes and celebrates right into the Now, brutality, unearned privilege and continuously cultivates new levels of white supremest conditioning with white people, the pawns to hold it all in place.

or maybe it’s the fragility, “the i just can’t, i’m so overwhelmed, i can’t take this, it’s too much, what’s our world coming to…???” forgetting, that for hundreds of years into the present, black peoples, native peoples don’t have the luxury or even the inclination of such “narcissistic fragility.” we have to fucking survive, fight for our children’s right to exist. and this for generations upon generations. this fragility is weaponized. but you won’t admit this either, again, not even to yourSelves. i must be talking to those “other” whyte womyn.

or maybe it’s the deafening silence…

curious though, as of this writing, i can find very little about Ahmaud’s life when i do a search. his dad said he wanted to be a boxer, that he took great pride in conditioning his body. his mom said her son would run daily. i meditate on her…Ahmaud’s mother. as a mother. it was his birthday yesterday. i think of my own son. that when i look at him, when i See him stepping into his dreams, when he talks to me and i can hear his growing process, his gentle, loving nature, when i get glimpses into his Becoming. within that brief moment, i can feel the whole of my journey with him. his birth, nursing him, the sadness when i couldn’t produce enough milk after weeks of trying. i remember the surrender in that, a surrender that would grow and guide me all through raising he and his sister. i remember that when he was 2 1/2 he somehow got out of our apartment, excited that his grandparents were coming. looking out of our 2nd story window, i saw my baby standing at the curb, cars flying by. utter panic inside. in a second, i can feel all the wonder and mystery around his Being, around his Becoming.

that this is stolen from Ahmaud’s mother, from his family and friends. from all of us actually. this sort of pain, shouldn’t be asked of a mother. not at the hands of a depraived culture, but has been for hundreds of years. whyte womyn where are you? the apathy is sickening.

but i can find easily video of his murder though, can’t avoid it actually. passed around FB like a new trend. this screams in my ears. the lynchings, black bodies hanging in trees for all to See, to discuss, to condone or condemn, children riding by on their box carts. the message was clear…and still is now.

i think on the ways in which whyte womyn either appropriate spiritually and/or choose religious INTERPRETATIONS that ignore Ancestral relationship and obligation. a mirror into their cultural-collective inner experience. they can just pray everything away. and Satan of course, is the cause for all sin. and i have yet to see ANY indigenous/spiritual traditions that don’t center Ancestry. yet whyte womyn on whole somehow avoid that part. there is a pattern here. you’d be hard pressed to seek personal and Ancestral accountability with this world view. curiously convenient.

or they can meditate on peace and love. they can decide to “not see color,” which is utter privilege in and of itself, and believe they are changing the world that way. they can in their worshipping of a distorted happiness, push away all that does not fit in their world view. whyte womyn, you cannot “happy” the world into a better place. and Love, when it denies a person, or a people their humanity, in the name of a distorted happy, gaslighting, centering, avoidance, victimhood, fragility, or all sorts of ACCOUNTABLE oblivious WEAPONIZED actions, it is not love. not even close. all of this is VIOLENCE, it screams of AVOIDANCE, it screams of the Ancestral calling for healing work and Accountability. your grandmothers cry out to you, and you turn the other way. it’s a different kind of Banshee. where is your wailing for the dead now? where is your Siren?

why don’t i See you calling in the Divine Feminine Power, that Erotic Fire, the way you do in face of the patriachy in masse? where is the Million Woman March for the black and brown bodies upon which your privilege is built??? you’d spend more time and effort to save a dog.

and i love animals. it’s not about that…

that i even needed to qualify that.

when i enter Sisterhood, it is well above and outside of any colonized constructs. i don’t dance gently around this ugly, you can go look at cute animals somewhere else. we are talking about Sacred lives snuffed out. we are talking about the collective state of humanity. do you really believe, this has no connection to this pandemic? to the state of our planet? really? i call for you to become ally’s, not just in name, but in deep Self Reflection, deep Self Work. I call in the Collection of Sisterhood, meditate on the resilience of black peoples, of native peoples when you sink into your weaponized fragility, or reach back into the depths of your rich Ancestry, and call in from that power, before YOU were colonized.

Ahmaud Arbery, i as part of the collective of Womyn and Mothers hold you in our utter failure. we are each and all accountable for your death. i draw strength of voice from your life, from my own Fire. i See my Sacred Obligation to speak up and out. to relentlessly Seek action to change a world that could hurt you and i call in deep Accountability for healing.

This is Divine, Sacred, Human Obligation.

fuck fragility.


May 2020

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