to my assigned whyte at birth, assigned female at birth, womxn and human family~
and of course before i speak this, i must always say that no, i am not speaking of every AFAB whyte womxn, but i am speaking to most. and of course there are those that do their work for an embodied presence. and this is easily recognized by BIPOC…
this has been gnawing at me, as whyte womyn continuously and emphatically profess to me of their “goodness” when their racism is being addressed, because something they said or did in space was violent. they plea for me to recognize, that this is all just a big misunderstanding and that REALLY and TRULY they are a “GOOD” person.
and they say this, as i experience it, with all the emotional potency of a weaponized fragility, as desperate attempt to convince me, themselves and whoever might be around of this fact. how possibly could i not see this?
and this is so beyond common, so much the norm, i see the patterns of your behavior, as utterly predictable, with rare variation, and this over and over and over. i’ve communed with other BIPOC and we marvel at the utter commonness of this, the depth of the disconnect. i remember my parents speaking on this, my grandparents. there are entire writings about this by a host of BIPOC. and yet you persist, that the evidence presented to you relentlessly, can not possibly be talking about YOU. it must be some other whyte womxn, because YOU are a “GOOD PERSON.” the level of grip this has on your psyche is striking, with all the opportunities BIPOC offer you to Self reflect that you regularly choose not to take. instead choose to pour on some gaslighting and denial to add to the violence you have already caused in the space. and now, (though this has been deathly obvious for centuries for Black and Indigenous people) even after toothpicks were placed in your eyelids with George Floyd and Breonna Taylor (who at the time of this writing STILL has not gotten justice by the way,) and which i see many of you as thinking is anecdotal, many of you still uphold your violent denial. i mean of course this can’t be common place. of course Black and brown people cannot be being murdered by law enforcement and by YOUR men like this regularly, and of course you don’t sanction this with YOUR silence and participation. and as you turn a blind eye to all the raping, murdering, children in cages, disproportionate BIPOC covid deaths; as you turn a blind eye to your Ancestral Obligation of Reparations and Accountability, and well, ya just keep living as you quietly cling to your merit-less privilege, and simultaneously cry about how things got so bad…
i just cannot understand why you would choose to live in such a disembodied psychic hell. what do you actually need to See happen for you to wake up to your Accountability?
the seeming rabid addiction of whyte womyn to clinging to their perceptions of being “good” is just so curious in this culture. what really equates to being a “good person” for you?
because you are “nice” and “polite” to people?
because you don’t see color?
because you volunteer?
because you’re a “good christian?”
because you donate to charities?
because you pray every day?
because you tip well?
because you are eco friendly?
because you helped a friend?
gave some change to a homeless person?
because you are all about love?
because you smile a lot?
because you do yoga?
because you will save a pitbull’s life?
(and this…well before a black man’s life, those lives you don’t even notice and if you do, you of course don’t think there is anything you can do, all of a sudden you are powerless. you might feel sorry for a moment but of course, you are, yet again powerless…interesting how your power is contextual to what serves you and your “good” feelings. apparently black lives don’t do it for you. and then you just go about your day and you don’t See your own deep perversion in this.)
i am utterly curious, how do you quantify this so called “good person-ness?” is it the number of these “good” deeds in a day? in a month? a year? then you tally it all up and check! “Yes! i’ve done my “good” deed quota!” or maybe Christ or a priest absolves you? or maybe you just focus your consciousness on the places that reinforce the feelings and behaviors that inspire your experience of “goodness,” inspire your “good person” beliefs? and then you just sorta don’t bring your attention to those less pretty, less shiny, ugly moments? just kinda don’t see it, whistling as you walk right on by your demons, like they aren’t howling at you. or maybe, you just avoid those people you don’t know how to BE with in any real way because, well, to many of those moments would fuck up your self image. you want to feel good about yourSelf, look in the mirror and smile.
and all of this at the expense of the violent oppression of others…
but hey, you can get a “good” nights sleep after all. “good” sleep for “good”people!
i ask you, earnestly, what aspect of you is doing this reflection? i mean, who are you really? as i tell you that BIPOC both marvel and rage at the very things i have presented here and…
if you are blind to all or most of this…
blind to the ways in which so many experience you as violent…
blind that there is literally an observable, predictable, collective pattern to your behaviors easily recognized and tracked by BIPOC…
blind to the reality that Black music has sung about this for generations through jazz, blues, r&b, hip hop, rock. but y’all just want to dance to it. closed off to the depth.
blind to your Wholeness of Self, because you won’t face all of you, only the parts that reinforce what you want to believe about yourself…
and as we all watch the world continue to burn in the flames of hundreds and hundreds of years of imperialism, colonialism, white supremacy and capitalism, pillaging, stripping, destroying everything it touches, with a gruesomeness unfathomable; as we See how the systems and structures literally defile our collective home (and i am speaking of ALL of life as Sacred and integrated) and will drive humanity to its collective ruin happily for the dollar, for power, destroying even itself…
i ask of you, when you look in the mirror, who is doing the observing? who is doing this tallying? who is creating the framework for this “good person-ness” that you so righteously cling to? this colonial, capitalist system relies on your obedience, your allegiance, which in mass, you continue to give, they actually dangle carrots in front of you, and the price of those carrots is that you offer up your humanity. Free Will. every whyte womxn i meet of course professes themselves to be that exceptional whyte womxn. “oh no that’s not me,” you’ll say, “look at the 3 black people i know, or i have black children, or i love hip hop, or i love Beyoncé or i am not for identity politics…”
or, or, or, or, or, or…
all the things your ego can conjure to keep your distorted beliefs in tact. it’s so clever, crafty that one. to keep the Truth locked away. to keep you disembodied and obedient, as this anti-culture psychologically farms you like ants do aphids, like pawns on a chess board, to keep the wealthy few rich. they chuck a few extra carrots at you…
and all you have to do is look away.
what you don’t understand is, the wealthy have been playing you, manipulating you from the very beginning and Black people, The First Peoples, we can ALL See this quite plainly, but you don’t, you would rather live your life as a marionette for some egoic crumbs, and these crumbs are indeed your poison. when you arrived on these lands, you were poor, and in desperate seeking for “god’s favor.” all you had to do was give up your identity and become “whyte.” and i am not talking about Bacon’s Rebellion, the construction of whyteness began long, long before that. long before you even came to these lands as all the conditions for whyteness came together. it just wasn’t named yet. many things exist in Shadow that are not named. it didn’t seem so bad at first, your lives before were plagued in famine, war, persecution, and sickness. if you, if your children could have a better life, you of course will clothe yourself and your family in this “whyteness.”
here is the inspiring of a deepening of dissonance, of a fissure of Self. as you agree to do things as a “whyte” person that allows you some experience of power, though disembodied, where before you felt none, and you committed grave and evil actions that were contrary to humanity, but you chose….over and over. and you still do.
and as the depravity of actions deepened, over time, over centuries, the split in yourSelves grew with it. a human cannot do the atrocities that you, yes whyte women, YOU, participated in, instigated, enjoyed, and did nothing to stop collectively and the roosters not come home to roost.
face this. face yourSelves. stop denying.
you want your anti-racism journey to be kind and gentle. you think a reckoning is not necessary, that you can just intellectuallize yourSelves to embodiment…
“but we can fix it now, let’s just fix it and all will be ok!”
no. stop it.
the same bible you read will tell you there is no resurrection without the crucifixion. you have to face yourSelves. you have to stop avoiding your Ancestral work. there is no fixing you can do. there is no intellectualizing that will serve. you need to Be with your reckoning. Be with your Accountability.
this is journey, not fixing. this is Accountability, Ancestral Healing, the path to embodiment. and don’t wait for someone to set it up. travel beyond the feeling of not knowing what you can do, of being powerless. that is a manipulation. FIND WAYS. CREATE WAYS, just the way you always do when things are for your own interests. and please, don’t go announcing to BIPOC what you’re doing, don’t talk about it, BE about it. we have heard enough, we want to SEE it. JUST DO THE WORK. and do it QUIETLY, avoid the allure of egoic recognition. draw more white people in and inspire them to do it and do it quietly. Inspire your children to carry the work forward.
the journey begins here. the healing begins here. without this…
anything you are doing, is just talkin’ out the side of your neck…
i am aware that i am not gentle here.
this is the way i love.